


misguided ghosts, traveling endlessly

by lashtn



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, ashton likes to write, especially about luke, idk what else to tag really, its just short and i wrote it at 5am and its so cheesy but i lvoe stupid romantic stuff, its not very good im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 06:12:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4614252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lashtn/pseuds/lashtn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes he’ll find Luke curling on the couch in his apartment, surrounded by pillows and a blanket wrapped around him tightly</p><p>Ashton will write about how perfectly Luke fits in his couch, in his apartment. He will write about how he wants to protect Luke from the world. He wants to be home for the other boy, for his hand to fit in Luke’s as perfectly as Luke fits in his own home, for his arms wrapping around him to be enough for him to feel safe.</p><p>Sometimes Ashton’s not sure he’s enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	misguided ghosts, traveling endlessly

Sometimes he’ll find Luke curling on the couch in his apartment, surrounded by pillows and a blanket wrapped around him tightly. He’ll stand there, between the kitchen and the livingroom, watching as Luke’s eyelids get heavy and his breath slows down, falling asleep. He’ll walk over to his desk in front of the bed, open his notebook, and write.

Ashton will write about how perfectly Luke fits in his couch, in his apartment. He will write about how he wants to protect Luke from the world, whether from his past or from things that are soon to happen, whether from people he knows or those he’s yet to come across. He wants to be home for the other boy, for his hand to fit in Luke’s as perfectly as Luke fits in his own home, for his arms wrapping around him to be enough for him to feel safe. Sometimes Ashton’s not sure he’s enough.

Sometimes Luke will talk and talk, and Ashton will listen. Luke’s eyes will widen and the color of his eyes will shine brighter and his mouth will move so fast Ashton will have a hard time focusing, between listening and thinking about how badly he wants to kiss him.

And, Ashton will write about the way Luke’s hands move when he talks and how endearing that is, and how he wants to kiss them as well. He’ll write about how much he wants to listen, and how interesting the boy is and the way a smile grows on his lips when he talks about something that’s exciting him is enough for Ashton to fall in love all over again. He wants to listen, to be a place Luke can escape to, run away to. Sometimes Ashton’s not sure he’s enough.

So on days he feels like Luke may be just too good for him, and he’s just a grain of sand and Luke’s the entire ocean and beyond, he’ll write as well. He’ll sit down in bed, bite on the tip of the pen and feel the warmth of Luke sleeping next to him, fitting perfectly between his sheets just as well.

Ashton’s scared. He’ll write about the demons in his head the feed off his fear, that are telling him that he’s going to fuck this up every second. He’s always so careful with his words and actions, always so careful with Luke, sometimes he thinks he’s too wary and sometimes too careless. 

Scared that he’ll become too scared.

And then, he feels like he shouldn't do this. Luke deserves someone who isn’t thinking about him storming out because they did something wrong. He deserves someone who isn’t scared to sometimes say what’s on their minds. Luke doesn’t deserve someone who doesn’t know what to do when he hasn’t left the bed in hours, still staring at that one spot with sad eyes and dry tears on his cheeks, doesn’t know how to react when Luke’s saying he doesn’t know what’s wrong, only lies beside him pathetically and waits for things to get better.

Ashton creates the person he does think Luke deserves on the paper, between the lines, and he feels guilty, as Luke lies beside him and his forehead is barely touching his side, the boy crawling closer to him in his sleep, like it’s an instinct. He feels like he’s leading him on, although it’s not a prank he’s pulling, it’s not like he’s bored and looking for someone to be with. He’s never been more in love. Which is another reason he’s afraid.

He closes the notebook as he finishes, gets up to put it back on the desk, and hears a whine behind him.

“Come here.” Luke makes grabby hands before smirking sleepily, his face still half buried in the pillow. Ashton giggles, but it feels like cheating.

You can’t create another person for your boyfriend in your mind, that will treat him better, then go back to his arms.

He tells himself to let it go for now, and lets himself wrap his arms around Luke’s waist, his back pressed against his chest, kisses the top of his head before Luke falls back to sleep, clueless.

*

Ashton comes back from work the next day. Luke practically runs to the door, then jumping on him and wrapping his arms and legs around him before he even has the chance to drop his bag or say a word. Yes, it’s nice to come home to someone you love and they attack you with a kiss, but it’s also unusual from Luke, who most of the time waits lying around somewhere and only gets up when he smells food.

So it takes a few seconds before Ashton’s kissing back, then slips his fingers just a little under Luke’s shirt, craving to touch his skin.

He loves this. Of course he does. With Luke’s legs wrapped tightly around his waist and his hands on his neck, with Luke’s mouth against his and the playful bite on his bottom lip that he’s getting, of course he’s happy. But he just needs to clarify.

“What’s going on, what’s this for?” Ashton holds his face between his palms, a thumb stroking lovingly one of his cheeks.

Luke’s biting on his bottom lip. He doesn’t want to answer this.

“I.. I’ve read your notebook.” Luke explains, his voice small and he’s not looking into Ashton’s eyes anymore.

It’s okay, he tells himself. It’s okay. It’s not like, Luke just went through dozens of poems and short stories about pretty boys he’s in love with and he wants to kiss. _A_ boy. It’s not like Luke just read some his secrets and all of his fears, his doubts he’s been trying to hide.

Alright. Maybe it’s a little scary.

He’s not mad, though, not at all. It’s personal, but it’s things he should’ve shared with Luke. Things he should know, help him figure out. That’s how relationships are supposed to work, after all, with good communication and support. He’s sure that if he talked to Luke he’d get it, but he’s being dumb. It’s all really dumb.

His smile kind of wipes off his face. Luke meets his eyes again and falls back to stand on his feet, letting Ashton go. He looks paranoid, like he himself fucked it up, not Ashton, and Ashton wants to shut his eyes and not see the look on Luke’s face right now.

“Oh I- I shouldn’t have, right? I shouldn’t fucking have read your stuff, it’s personal, it’s none of my business. Oh my god.” Luke grips tightly onto his hair, and his voice almost cracks with every word. “I’m so sorry, I fucked this up.” His hands reach to touch Ashton, but looks as if he’s trying to stop himself in case Ashton doesn’t want to.

Ashton takes a deep breath. “Baby.” His voice quiet, it’s almost a whisper, and he rests a hand behind Luke’s neck to calm him down.

“It’s just, I read that you were scared, Ash. I don’t want you to be scared. Especially not because of me,” Luke looks down at his feet, then raises his head so he meets Ashton’s eyes again. “Please.”

It’s not something Ashton can promise. But with the way Luke is looking at him right now, begging with his eyes to be trusted, and for Ashton to trust himself, he tells himself he can try.

“First of all, It’s fine, Lukey.” Ashton places his other hand on Luke’s neck, holds his head in place so Luke has to look at him. “I swear, you didn’t fuck anything up.”

He brings them into a kiss to wipe the worried look off Luke’s face, Luke clutching onto his shirt to bring him closer.

Ashton pulls away, “It’s just my thoughts, baby, nothing else.” He rests his forehead against Luke’s and shuts his eyes, tries to organize the mess that is his mind. “I’m not scared because of you, I’m scared because of me, it’s me who makes up these scenarios of me ruining everything, and it’s me who overthinks everything.”

“That doesn’t mean I want you to feel like this around me, Ash.” Luke’s voice cracks a little, and it feels like someone’s just ripped Ashton’s heart out of his chest violently. Luke takes a breath before he continues. “I love you, I love you so fucking much, I don’t want anyone else.”

And it’s what Ashton needed to hear.

“I only want you.”

*

Ashton writes about love and intimacy. He writes about hands and skin under fingertips, eye contact and breathy moans. He goes about the whispers of his name between thrusts, parted lips and chest going up and down in a fast rhythm.

He’s not going to feed the demons in his head anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> hmmm yes sorry anyway im on [tumblr](http://luke5sos.tumblr.com/)


End file.
